STORM EOWYN SLOWED US DOWN: WHAT A RELIEF!

MY LAST WEEK HAS BEEN HECTIC. I THINK I ENJOYED IT, ALMOST…

As the evening drew in on the day of Storm Eowyn we debated whether we should take the rabbits in. Wendys mum had suggested putting them in the empty bath with a towel over them, other people had offered odds and ends of advice. In the end we piled old bags of ornamental stones we had never got round to using on the hutch roof and a bag of sand on the hay and rabbit pellet box whose lid is always blowing off. For good measure we turned the sun lounger upside down so it wouldn’t take off like in the last storm and I vaguely hoped that the twine which I had attached from the hutch to a wooden fence below would help too.

The evening and night was windy but from my sofa bed in the kitchen not too noisy. I didn’t have to get up early as we had been directed not too go out by work and I had little work I needed to do at home., instead as nine a.m. drew near and I vaguely thought that we still had an hour to go before our red storm warning grew live I stretched in the bed and felt ridiculously sleepy and comfy.

That all ended up moments later when Louie and Wendy burst into the kitchen to ask if I had seen what was outside the front door. Almost grumpily I got dressed and there, lying across the road and up our driveway, was a huge tree. It seemed to have landed right in between our car and our neighbour’s one. Louie wasn’t allowed outside but I plonked my shoes on and, avoiding the rose bush, which was obscuring our front step, clambered over branches and leaves to see the situation. My car had a few twigs on it and large parts of the tree within a foot of it but was unharmed; next doors car looked even luckier – it had enormous branches within inches of its bonnet and boot. ‘Lucky them!’ I thought but it turned out it also had some cracked windows, and dunted metalwork and has now disappeared, so maybe not so good after all.

It really was wild but as is the nature of nowadays, we wandered around taking photos of the chaos until I went back and, on Wendy’s advice, drove our car up the road to a bit with fewer trees likely to fall on it. This had already almost happened last year and then I was away with the car, so the other tree missed that time too. Now we began to study our woods and noticed that many of the trees also looked perilously close to falling like this one. They don’t seem to belong to anyone so I assume over the years, they will gradually join their companions in our street.

School was off and work was sort of off, so after a couple of hours tapping on my lap top, I realised that I had a day of leisure in front of me. I was tempted to go out in the wind, just to feel the force of it, as we had heard it was a hundred miles an hour in the gusts, but was quicky told that was a very silly thing to do so instead we entered a day where we had nothing we could really do and nowhere to go. In some ways it was quite exciting, looking out at the trees in the roaring wind, realising that with the fallen tree we could now see across the Clyde to Greenock, also realising that the branch that used to act as a pathway for the squirrels, a good forty foot off the ground, was no longer. Having nothing to do and a very uncertain signal for the telly, well it was restful; it was peaceful in a way.

At one point we saw the roof of the leisure centre in Helensburgh on social media, busy peeling away in the wind. It was like the roof panels had turned into leaves to be tossed up into the sky. At another moment later on, the rooks came to see their fallen tree home. Wendy and Louie said there were about forty of them in the road; like a crowd of people gathered to see who was going to sort out this fine mess. There was a lot of noise and gesticulating but I am not sure what they concluded.

As the wind died down a little, we sent Dash out in the garden for a wee and a poo which he failed to do. He is a very particular dog. Finally the red warning no longer was and the wind had died considerably so I took Dash for a walk up the road. This was more difficult than I thought it would be, as we needed to clamber over branches and tree trunks. I liked it though; still being buffeted by the wind, us two wandering the deserted streets. However, it chose then to rain and I hadn’t taken a waterproof jacket so after Dash finally found somewhere to relieve himself, we returned but not before I was soaked and shivering.

In the morning everything was pretty much normal, the hills were covered in snow. I took Wendy to her healthy club and she went to see her mum afterwards. The children’s dad was due to pick them up before I went to photography, so I warned him about the tree but the council turned up with a huge JCB and a lorry and people with chain saws. Within half an hour the road was clear; our drive was clear and the broken branches piled in the woods. Tom arrived, we nattered, and he and the children went off to his house. James still in his jammies because he was still ill.

I went off to Ardmore for a photography walk which everyone thought was cancelled. It wasn’t but there had been some confusion so almost no one turned up. In the end Kath and I set off for our walk. It rained and was cold and for a while we wondered whether to turn round and go back home but having come across slabs of the leisure centre roof which been blown for about three miles and which we were glad had not landed on us, the rain fell away and the sun came out. Jayne arrived; she had also set off on the walk but in the opposite direction. She was pleased to see us and set off back the same way as us; keen to find a pebble beach she liked. We nattered, saw rainbows and rain showers in the distance. The light was stunningly lovely; a warm hint of mysticism to it.

The next day we did the cobbledy walk again; lovely, beautiful skies, a fallen tree. We are getting practice in for the kilt walk with our longer wanders. We met Hilary. Being me I had no idea who she was when she started waving at us and told Wendy off for waving back, saying she must have been waving at the people behind us but after all it wasn’t, it was me she was waving at and I know her pretty well. I am very, very, good at not recognising people!

Walking Dash the next day, the tide was higher than I have seen it before. James was still ill and got dropped at ours with Buddie (the children’s dad’s dog.) I took him for a walk in the evening as he hadn’t been out. The water was gone, the tide out and the mud exposed. I liked that; something very reassuring about the endless shift of the tides: permanence and change at the same time.

It was a busy week after. Tuesday, I spoke to a psychologist for the first time and found I was now being treated after a ten year wait. That confused me, I hadn’t expected it. It may last for some months. The relief made my stomach empty and my throat tight. Then a call with See Me about a blog I will write. I worried most of all that day about driving into Glasgow where I was due to meet a group of family members of people who have been or are in secure forensic care. I was sure the road would be closed on the way in or the way home but it wasn’t and sure I wouldn’t get parked. That was especially true when I went to the STV studios to be filmed for a program on the mental health crisis. For a few moments I couldn’t, for the life of me, work out how to get into the car park and went swirling into the wider traffic of Glasgow but I arrived and for the first time in my life had make up put on me for the filming. That was quite fun. Initially, I was irritated when it became clear I was wanted more for my story than for any opinions but in a tiny fit of courage made sure I said what I wanted, or some of what I wanted, which in the end, went down very well. I was back home just as the program went on air. Then lots of lovely messages from people but wow! I was shattered!! Wendy was exhausted too; her AGM and conference had been cancelled at short notice and she was picking up the pieces.

Off early the next day to Edinburgh for a team meeting, so lovely to meet Kathleen at the train station, so nice to be smiling again. I ended up stressed but don’t think I was unpleasant; I hope I wasn’t. In the evening, while re writing sections of a speech, I also wrote down why I was stressed and in the end didn’t send it to anyone, didn’t try to justify my dark mood which even Wendy had struggled to understand when I told her about it. I was pleased about that; maybe I am becoming a kinder person; slowly.

Thursday, I can’t really remember. I got the train to Motherwell and got slightly sad at how hard it is for all of us to believe services will ever get better again. In the evening we had a series of readings in celebration of the books of the late Robin Lloyd Jones. I read from ‘Gods of the lost Cross Roads’. A special time; made wonderful when his wife, Sallie, recited the most powerful poem I have heard at the end. It was a poem about how she wanted to die before Robin, written many years ago and here she was alive while he was now dead. On the way home, I met Christine at Helensburgh station where she now works; that sort of thing is lovely; being in a community where even I know some people as I walk along going about my business.

Friday, it was off to the Royal College of Psychiatrists winter meeting. I arrived to see people protesting outside. They shouted at me saying that they had seen me on telly and that I was a traitor and in the pay of the College and earning a fortune for it. It was difficult. Later they tried to get into the meeting and were taken away outside by security. I was advised to leave by a side exit later in the day. My speech, which I gave with Kirsty, went really well but they do throw me when they do these things. In the end I left before the end of the conference to make sure we weren’t on the same train home.

Saturday, a week after the storm, Wendy went back to healthy club and surprised herself at how well she had done again. Dash and I went for a walk to Dumbarton Rock; I bought croissants for the photography group and was bemused and delighted when I arrived, to be presented with an early birthday cake. I only just managed to blow out the candles and forgot to make a wish but it is so kind of them and so like Jeans Bothy to do things like this. We wittered and laughed for an hour which was wonderful. The rest of the afternoon was spent in Helensburgh with Wendy, Dash and Louie, going round the charity shops. I got banned by the women after I started talking to a stuffed dinosaur in the Shelter shop and then knocked some glasses off a shelf. I had to stand outside the remaining shops with the dog. However, I had a lovely time taking photos and occasionally agreeing with passers by that Dash was indeed lovely.

Sunday, I walked along the Firth and Clyde canal with Dash while Wendy and Louie went to the cinema. I bought James a Macdonald’s on the way home as he is still ill after a whole week. I am not too sure he will get into school tomorrow either. I do hope he gets better soon.

I woke this morning (Monday) besieged by the thoughts I try as much as I can to avoid and then, not able to sleep, finished off reading Jenny Colgan’s knitting club book. Considering it is a light romance, full of small comedies I found it very emotional and had to wipe away tears at a couple of points. It occurred to me that this morning’s thoughts and emotions may be because I haven’t taken my anti-depressants all week. For a moment I thought of not taking them ever again. Even though they were tears; they were feelings and felt real and that is sometimes pretty good.

Instead I have filled in my dosset box, resumed my medication and spent the afternoon doing not very much.

That Birthday cake wish? I loved the busyness of last week but now that I am upstairs while Louie and Wendy are making birthday cake downstairs; I think I need to remind myself, as in recent posts, that achieving is often suspect…that might be my wish: To remember loving my family is more important than worky stuff!

For more about my life and my life with Wendy and the children and Dash the dog and mental illness do have a look for my memoirs START and Blackbird Singing on Amazon or else message me direct and i can get a copy to you.